The Cheshire Cat
by Ookami Z
Summary: Hawke is known for her easy-going attitude, witty remarks, and for always doing what needs to be done, but after Marethari's death and the destruction of the Dalish camp, Isabela realizes who Hawke really is.


**A/N: Hello everyone! I wrote this story after one of my many replays of DA2 and I hope you enjoy it. I also wanted to say that I have a new blog up for my stories where you can all go read updates on what is going on with the stories and take a look at my other work, even a video! I really hope you get a chance to take a look at it and enjoy it. The website is rasphere . com**

**Please visit after reading and let me know if you like it :)**

**Thank you and enjoy!**

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**The Cheshire Cat**

"This isn't good."

Isabela threw Anders a side-glance, "You don't say."

They both turned towards the bar where Hawke kept drinking and chatting with Corff. "Have you gone to check up on kitten?"

Anders shook his head, "Varric went, I figured it was more appropriate. I didn't know what I would say..."

"Probably keep blaming her for what happened with her keeper, wouldn't you?" Isabela asked as she frowned at the sight of Hawke. The Champion hardly drank, and when she did it was socially or a glass of wine with dinner. Never to get drunk.

"Well it is her fault. You saw it yourself-"

"Shut it Anders." Isabela said raising a hand to the mage, "We need to get Hawke back to the estate and soon. She's flirting with Norah now."

Anders nodded and followed the pirate.

"Hawke, darling, we should go now." Hawke turned with a goofy, drunken grin, "Isabela? But I don't want to go home yet. I was just talking with my friends."

Isabela saw Norah and Corff smile and nod but with a properly placed glare, they quickly reconsidered, "Ah...yes, actually, it might be better for you to go home now Serah." Corff said as he quickly removed the champion's drink from in front of her.

Hawke sighed, "Fine, but I'll be back."

With one last wink towards a woman Hawke was not sure was real or her imagination, Hawke allowed Isabela and Anders to lead her up towards Hightown.

Five long seconds of silence passed before Hawke began giggling, "You know Anders, I've been meaning to ask you something."

"_And here we go..._" Isabela muttered.

Anders smiled, wondering how on earth Isabela had ended up winning Hawke's heart and not him. Sure she had flirting with Anders and given him hopes but then again, Hawke did the same thing to everyone she met so in a way, it was his fault for falling for it. "What is it Hawke?"

Hawke giggled once again, her eyes half open, "Say Anders, why do all mages, even male-mages wear skirts?" A sigh escaped Anders but Hawke continued before he could answer, "Now that I think about it, how come Templars use skirts too? Like mages? Like male-mages that wear skirts. Isn't that queer?" Hawke turned to Isabela who was practically carrying Hawke's entire weight as Hawke leaned into her, "Don't you think that's queer Isabela? Had you heard of this before? Perhaps in Rivaini? Do male-mages and male-templars wear skirts? Is it normal perhaps in Tevinter? I wonder if Mabaris wear skirts too in Tevinter. You know, what else is queer? Golems. They don't wear any clothes do they! We must alert the Chantry of the blasphemy! I mean, even Darkspawn wear clothes do they not?"

Isabela and Anders both allowed Hawke to drunkely drabble on about her observations until they finally reached the estate.

"Is messere Hawke okay?" Bodahn asked as he opened the door and found Hawke passed out in the arms of the pirate and the mage. Isabela nodded, "Yes, she just had one too many drinks."

Bodahn smiled, "Very well, I will make sure tomorrow's breakfast includes tea for the headache."

Isabela smiled and dismissed the dwarf so he could return to bed. Anders carried Hawke up to her room and laid her out in bed as. Anders turned to Isabela who waited outside the room. "Very well then, I'll stop by tomorrow to see how she's doing."

"Thank you Anders." Isabela saw Anders out before returning to Hawke's side to remove her armor. "Ugh...why must you insist on wearing this dangerously sharp armor?" Once she had completely taken off her armor, Isabela tucked Hawke in bed and watched silently as a single tear ran down the sleeping Hawke's cheek.

Isabela removed her own clothes and took out her own sleeping wear she kept at Hawke's for their sleepovers, which had been quite frequent, and laid next to Hawke, draping an arm over her strong yet delicate frame.

She knew that Hawke was not one person. She had many faces for different people and it was not out of hypocrisy. For some she was the champion, the hero they looked up to, while to others she was their prosecutor, the nightmare they prayed to never face. Even to herself, Hawke wasn't sure who she was. She tried to do the right thing while keeping a sense of humor. She had always said that life was too short to take seriously. It was because of that that sometimes she went too far and seemed to show no real emotion or concern during serious times, always joking and finding some way to make even deaths humorous.

Some called it bad taste, and others immaturity, but Isabela knew better. Hawke's easy-going attitude had been one of the things that attracted her to the champion, but once she began to know the real Hawke, she found that there was more to just the smile she always wore.

Hawke carried a great weight inside of her. The weight of all she felt she had failed in her life. She felt as though she had failed her father, her brother, her sister, and even her mother. She had not been good enough to save her own mother but could save an entire city? Isabela knew the self-loathing that had existed in Hawke ever since she met her. Hawke was always careful to hide it, but every once in a while, it would come up through different means, be it a sudden flash of anger or the way she stared deep into her victim's eyes in the fraction of a second as she ripped through the flesh with her daggers and sometimes she would linger just a second longer before extracting her weapons and moving unto the next enemy.

Nobody else saw it, but Isabela did.

Even the way that Hawke flirted with pretty much everyone. She knew that poor Anders and even Fenris had both fallen for Hawke, hell, even she had fallen for Hawke's flirty ways, but that was only a show that Hawke put on, knowing that most people would never take her seriously, which was partially true.

At first, Isabela had no problem bedding Hawke, thinking it would just be another adventure, but she realized that the more she knew Hawke, the more she fell for her, and the more she feared of hurting her.

Hawke was a woman with enough pain as it was. Isabela knew she would only bring her more.

But she couldn't stay away from Hawke. She tried but she began to need Hawke as a pirate needed the sea. She tried to deny it but she couldn't. Hawke was falling for her, even Merrill could see it, and all she could do was run away.

And even then, as she ran away with her freedom, she couldn't keep running. She had to go back. And with every step she took, she wondered if she was being stupid for listening to her heart instead of her head, but as soon as she saw Hawke standing in front of the Arishok, she knew she had made the right decision.

Once morning came, Hawke felt her head ready to explode. She opened her eyes slightly, afraid the sunlight would leave her blind, and instead opted to turn and hide between Isabela's breasts. She smiled, happy that she had spent the night with her. The rhythmic rise and fall of her chest told Hawke that Isabela was still sleeping.

With great effort, Hawke managed to get up without disturbing Isabela and made her way out to the kitchen.

"Good morning messere! I didn't expect to see you up so early! Would you like me to serve breakfast now?" Bodahn greeted with his usual gleeful mood. Hawke managed to smile weakly, "Good morning to you too Bodahn, could you just bring me some tea?"

Bodahn nodded and went to fetch the tea as Hawke took a seat in front of the fireplace. Her head throbbed but as she looked into the flames, her headache was the least of her worries.

In the flames, she could see the faces of the elves she had killed. _An entire camp._ The grand champion of Kirkwall had killed every single member of the Dalish camp on the sundermount but nobody in the city cared because they were elves. Not human, not even dwarves. Bodahn saw Hawke's unsual somber mood and left the tea by her side before quickly excusing himself.

Hawke managed to smile and took a sip of her tea. The bitter liquid washed down her throat while leaving a burning trail behind. But she didn't care. The face of Arianni as she fought with her clan, the clan she had just recently recovered, only to fall to her death. How would Feynriel react when he found out his mother had been killed by the same woman whom had once saved him from himself in the fade? The woman who had given him the freedom to learn more about himself in Tevinter?

He would hate her.

The door opened and Isabela walked in with a cup of tea in her hands, "Mind if I join you?" Hawke quickly smile, trying to act normal in front of Isabela, "Well you're already here, it's not like I can kick you out. You'd just break yourself in again."

Isabela smiled softly, "Of course I would."

They remained in silence for a couple of minutes, Hawke trying hard to keep up her smile but everytime she looked at the flames, she couldn't help but remember as the dalish died under Ander's firestorm. She tried to stop him but it was too late. Before they knew it, fire rained from the skies. The only thing she could do was watch as they burned.

She did however try to help Arianni. When the elf caught on flames, Hawke did the only thing she could do. She killed her in the fastest and less painful way as she could so that atleast she would have some peace.

"Are you okay, Hawke?" Isabela's sudden question broke the silence. Hawke turned to Isabela with the smile still on her face, "Why wouldn't I be?"

Isabela took a deep breath and laid her hand on top of Hawke's, "I know that what happened yesterday was very hard for you. But you can't feel guilty for what happened to the Dalish camp."

Hawke's smiled faltered as she withdrew her hand, "I don't know why you say that. We've killed many more creatures and people than those at the camp."

With a frown, Isabela searched for Hawke's eyes but Hawke kept them focused on the fireplace, "Hawke, those were not just creatures or common thugs. Even though most of them were pricks who didn't like us for being human and didn't like Merrill, not all of them were like that. I know you talked to others and got to know them."

Hawke stood up, "I forgot I have a meeting with Meredith." Isabela grabbed Hawke's hand as she walked to the door, "Hawke, stop hiding. Don't hide you sadness behind that smile, and please don't laugh when you only want to cry."

Swallowing hard, Hawke could not move as Isabela's words rang true but she pulled away and left Isabela alone in front of the crackling fire.


End file.
